Virgin Voyage

When I moved to San Francisco in the days of yore, I couldn't wait to ride the bus. Soon, after I successfully began to navigate what seemed like an impossible matrix ("wait, you mean they're not all the N Judah?"), my enthusiasm faded into malcontent. Now, I take cabs and walk. And drive. Sue me. But when my job took me to Fillmore St, I had to start taking the 22. There was no other way. I'm not biking there in these shoes. I'm not walking there in these shoes. I'm not even driving in these shoes. That's right. I'mma take the bus like all you other fools. And let me tell ya, it's been 2 weeks now and every ride is a cross-section of our colorful, diverse culture here in SF. That's a euphemistic way of saying that there are some freaks on my route. Join me for some eavesdropping, won't you?

So. i'd like to preface my first tale by saying that I couldn't help but feel good about lightening my load on the earth, shrinking my carbon footprint, whatever, when i looked up the bus schedule for my maiden voyage to work. Next bus: 13 minutes. I better hurry! But wait: when I got to the stop a couple blocks away, nextbus informs me 22 arrives in (coincidentally?) 22 minutes. Well, shit. I'm going to be late then. I take off on foot, looking back occasionally. I walk for 20 minutes - through the fucking ghetto (shit! i forgot my bullet proof vest today) - until i make it to work. My feet hurt, and I've put unnecessary milage on my cute shoes. The 22 never came, not even after 22 minutes. Fuck you, 22.

Second try: next day. It's on time. I am sitting next to 2 New York JAPs on vacation. They're headed to the wharf (shocker). Between fielding frequent phone calls from JIM (he's sooooo cute), I learn that JAP #1 refused to buy her Prada wallet from Bloomie's since the salesperson was SUCH a BITCH. She ended up walking around the corner to get it at the Prada store! Win! More cell phone yapping. The conversation shifts to JAP 1's new nose. "Does it still look nosejobby? 'Cause my surgeon said it would settle a little bit in a few months." JAP #2 assures JAP #1 that her nose looks great, not nosejobby! The trannie in front of me looks like she (he?) is tripping on acid and the asian kids behind me (17ish?) convince each other they can handle their liquor.

I decide to start a blog.